Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Gabriel Micheal turns 5!

This is the first birthday that has made me teary.  He's a BIG kid now, not a baby, not a toddler. 

Because of Christmas craziness I didn't get this up and posted on his birthday but I want to make sure it's safe somewhere.  

He loves Cars the Movie stuff, Transformers, puzzles, drawing and he would eat cheese in a tortilla or on bread forever if I let him.  He loves to rough house with Mike.  He loves to play with trains on the floor and make up stories and carry around baby animals with names like "punkin" and "batty" (both are beanie baby bats) those bats only eat ham and candy (only if they are good of course!)

He is a funny and smart little boy.  He learns something new every day and he still wants to snuggle and give hugs and kisses to both Mike and me.  He's just an amazing kid.  He's as stubborn as the day is long, but he's also so sweet and still wants me to kiss boo-boos.

I just can not believe that he's five already.  I swear it feels like we just brought him home from the hospital.  I just can not believe he's so big, he's such a tall kid, and such a handsome kid.  I am really proud to call myself his mom.

He loves his new Leap Pad Explorer Tablet that he got for Christmas and Mike and I love seeing what he's taking pictures of and making videos of each day too!!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Things come back around

Today I'm watching a Greys Anatomy rerun after painting ornaments with Gabe and its the episode with the quote "If today you become frightened instead become inspired", and I thought I LOVE this quote.  I have loved it since I heard it the first time. 

So I thought about it again and I thought that quote is important.  That plus a post about arriving in Holland made me want to write about it again. 

Here is the Holland piece:

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

I find that quotes tend to pop up right about the time I need them, just like Mish had happen to her recently too! So while this quote is about having a child that's different than the one you envisioned I find it works for most things in life that come up and DRASTICALLY change your destination ideas.  I know that I've posted about the Greys Anatomy post before, here, among other quotes that inspire me.  So sometimes we don't end up where we expect to, and sometimes the road is tough, and sometimes we don't even get to the destination we expected to, but what I have learned is that most places are nice places even if they aren't what we expect.  I can find a way to live in many places, I can find ways to THRIVE in places I didn't expect.  When I am scared, tired, unsure, or just plan done I remember many of these quotes and I keep going.  I just keep going.  JUST KEEP GOING!

I think that quotes showing up when you need them, be them bible verses, from a movie or a show, or a story from someone, or a post on a forum, they come up when you need them most. 

Monday, December 12, 2011

Done with the fall semester!

I made it through one more semester!  I am officially done with the fall 2011 semester.  A semester of intro psych (which sucked and I'll avoid that instructor like the plague) but I got a B-, Health psychology (which I love that instructor) and I got an A, Medical Terminology which was easy peasy and I got a 97% in LOL, also Modern Cinema which I'm still waiting for a final grade, I'm thinking B+ or A- depending on the paper grade.

The REALLY good news is that I have registered for all my core RN classes.  I am all set to take the really hard ones and the ones that really matter starting in the Spring 2012 semester.  I have all my classes at Mequon campus and New Castle as my first clinical location.  YAY!  Everything is close-ish to home!

I am still working out childcare for Gabe (EEK!!!!) but I'm hoping things are going to fall into place and we won't have to worry about it too much.  I will be at class/clinical 4 days a week and my Dad will watch Gabe on Weds so at least that day is taken care of. 

I am excited, nervous and terrified right now of the future 4 semesters but I also know this is what I want and I can do this.  It will be hard, there will be days (weeks) that suck but I can do this!! This is not a punishment, I want to do this.  I want to be a nurse! 

Christmas is around the corner which means so is Gabe's birthday.  Hopefully I'll have a few posts between now and then, and you'll see me in early January before I disappear again too.  I'm going to attempt to be better here even during the spring because I know I won't remember this journey if I don't write stuff down!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

School decision

After I received the acceptance letter to Cardinal Stritch I also received an acceptance to MATC.  I was thinking "CRAP! now I really have to decide what to do?!" 

Mike and I really sat down and talked things through and he is the most wonderful, amazing husband ever, and assured me that we would do what needed to be done no matter which school I chose.  Knowing that he supported my decision really did help me and make it easier to decide.  After lots of thought and consideration I've decided to stay at MATC.  The price tag is definitely a big deciding factor, plus I've been receiving more grants which makes it even better.  I know that I don't have to work full time while in school and end up having some left over money to pay bills and things while in school.  Plus leaving school with less debt is something that I really need to consider.  Both programs are good and both give me my ADN which allows me to take the NCLEX and become an RN.  I'll worry about my BSN later if and when that matters.  MATC's program is 4 semesters long meaning I will finish in the December of 2013!

I am excited to have made a final decision! I am still nervous and worried and everything else.  There are still some things that I need to do before I start with those classes in January but I'm on my way.  Now I'm on a mission to find even more scholarships and grants to pay for school! 

Wish me luck, remind me that I'm not crazy, that I can do this with a child and a husband and a life.  Remind me that I WANT this when I complain and I think it's too hard and I'm too overworked.  Remind me that being a nurse is something that I KNOW I want.  Remind me that I can do this, please.  I'm going to stumble and I'm going to need my family and friends to keep me standing! 

Thursday, October 27, 2011

I'm the worst blogger ever!!

 This is me updating all the stuff I apparently forgot in our reno, I said I was a horrible blogger.  But I want to make sure it makes it here now.  So this is a HIGHLY condensed time frame.  We really do love this space!!!
Here is the space with curtains, some art and bookcases too.

 Also adding in here that I did finally paint the funny wall in between the bedroom and the bathroom.
August 2011:Here is the wall, there are a few touch ups to be made still (hence the blue tape on one square still) but it's 90% done! I'm VERY pleased with it!! The touch ups there are I expected and will be super easy for me to do with a small craft brush tomorrow!

And I promise it's not crooked in real life!

Taped and painted:

tape pulled off!

Originally done 3/22/2011
 Lookie I have furniture in my living room, I LOVE this room.

second angle:


I should take another picture of the chair closest to me in the picture it's an odd angle swoop thing to it and it's super comfy to sit in and really the special piece in the room. I'm thinking curtains with a thin stripe in them with red somehow.

Originally done 3/20/2011
 Ignore my missing tile, that's the part of the bathroom we couldn't decide on (we're still "arguing" about it lol). Thankfully that's just over my tub that heats and circulates the water so it can go in when we agree. I also hope to add a glass door to the shower someday.

I'll be glad when all the little things are done but I'm just so glad that it's livable that I'm willing to work on stuff once I'm using it (and I swear what house is ever REALLY done?)

Originally done 3/20/2011, and I just realized there was never completion posts.  So they are all going in one if I can figure it out!
We finshed the floor (baseboards still have to go on but that's no biggie). The floor is DOWN!

SO tonight I still have some cleaning up to do and outlet plates to put on and tomorrow we're going to be moving stuff in to the basement. We will FINALLY have privacy again! DH and I really need it and I know my mom wants a little extra room upstairs to hang out too.

I don't have any bedroom pics or bathroom ones uploaded yet but here is the living room

Yesterday, from the window back towards the stairs (you can seen on the right hand side we weren't done):

And today from the stairs towards the window:

We started this project in June :faint: So it's been a lot of weekend work and a lot of help from family and friends but we are finally there!!!

Here's from the stairs to the windows, before we started (the left window is now in the bedroom and both are the same 4 foot by 3 foot that you see in the later pics):

Monday, October 24, 2011

officially have a school for the rest of school

So the letter and packet actually came Saturday when we were gone and I opened it (well Mike opened it for me) on Sunday but I didn't post about it right away because we had to really sit down and talk it over.  It's not a cheap school so we had to decide if it's even possible.  Of course I still need to sit down with the school but it SEEMS feasible.  So I'm calling it accepted.

I will officially be a Cardinal Stritch nursing student in January if all goes well.  I will have 5 semesters of school to do, I have many classes done already so I will have to fill out my schedule with a few other things.  I will have my ADN and pass the NCLEX and be an RN by June 2014 (geez that's still a long way away!!!)  Cardinal Stritch is set up to bridge to the BSN easily which is great because I do know that I want my BSN for sure, after I have a job though. 

I'm still super nervous, and I haven't actually heard back from MATC yet but I figure that Stritch is what I really want and I should just jump in with both feet and do it, even though MATC is only a 4 semester program, at this point what's one extra semester right?! 

I'm excited, anxious, TERRIFIED and thrilled to be reaching this point.  I WANT THIS!  I NEED THIS!  I WILL DO THIS!

Friday, October 21, 2011

Where did the time go?

Gabe at the pumpkin patch.

It's late October already.  How did that even happen?  Where has the year gone?  I get so wrapped up in the day to day stuff that WOOOSH! it's over with and we're in October!

I love October though because Halloween is my favorite holiday!  I love the pumpkin picking and carving and the decorations.  I almost always have a costume for Trick or Treat so it's weird that this year I don't have anything, all my stuff is either way to big or doesn't fit because it's from high school (LOL). 

Gabe is going as a Dinosaur, possibly the last of the costumes my Grandma made for the grand kids when I was younger.  It's sort of a bitter sweet thing because I love those costumes and wish there were more reasons to wear them. 

Last weekend we went to the pumpkin patch and picked pumpkins.  Gabe of course picked the heaviest one he could find.  Poor Mike had to carry Gabe's pumpkin and his own, I was lugging a pretty big one for myself too. 

This weekend we're headed out to Spring Green Wisconsin for a wedding for our friends Wally and Lannia and I can't wait for the getaway with Mike.  Gabe is staying home with my mom which he loves.  They always do something fun together! 

Then we'll be to the last weekend of October and Halloween and then I feel like the whirl wind starts for Thanksgiving, Christmas and smashing in Gabe's FIFTH(!!!!) birthday and the year will be over with.  How does that happen again?  Geez.  I need to remember that even when a day or a week goes slow the year(s) go so fast. 

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

This shouldn't surprise you

It shouldn't surprise anyone that during school I fall off the blogging band wagon.  So here's the general "oh shit I forgot I have this" update.

I've finished my Medical Terminology class, all 12 weeks of it in about 3 weeks with a 97%.  I'm hating Intro to Psych because there is NO interaction with anyone in the class and the instructor doesn't get back to you either (a poor review will happen at the end of the semester).  My Health Psych class is good, I've taken another class with this instructor and I like her style.  My Intro to Modern Cinema class has been going well and I actually enjoy analyzing films. 

I have three papers to write for the classes I'm not done with.  I'm doing a PTSD treatment paper for Intro to Psych, no idea what the criteria is for the second psych class yet so don't have a topic but I have some ideas on what it might be, and my Modern Cinema class is comparing the 1951 Disney's Alice In Wonderland to the 2010 Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland.  So that should be interesting. 

Other than that lets see... I have applications into both MATC and Cardinal Stritch for the spring semester to figure out where I'm doing clinicals.  I'm really hoping for MATC because it's just soooooo much cheaper and I don't have to panic about it.  I should know about Halloween time for both of those.

I've been maintaining weight right now which is okay, I needed a break and to see if I could live with this weight which is an "okay" weight for me but I've decided that I'm really NOT okay with it yet and I need to kick it back up for another 8-10lbs so that I can give myself some flux room for this current weight to be my "high" weight.  I really want to do some more core work too so I'm looking at some videos now because I need to have set goals to do well.

I have a job now, just Saturday nights, working for a private client doing home health aide stuff and some light house keeping.  I don't mind it and he's a nice enough guy, older but sharp and funny.  I think he's stating to warm up to me too.

I think that's it.  I should have another post around Halloween about Trick or Treating and school and stuff!!  Til them I promise I'm not dead just busy with school!

Thursday, August 25, 2011


"If you run, you are a runner. It doesn't matter how fast or how far. It doesn't matter if today is your first day or if you've been running for twenty years. There is no test to pass, no license to earn, no membership card to get. You just run." -John Bingham

Today I officially finished the C25K program.  I know crazy!  On June 18th I started this journey and I could barely do the run 60 seconds, walk 90 seconds enough times to finish the workout.  Now sometimes I run extra just because I feel like it! 

Most of my running has been on the treadmill which keeps my pace steady, so I'm not running too fast and wearing myself out, but I also can't slow down when I feel like maybe I can't do this anymore.  My new goal is to run on the road.  That way I can learn to self pace myself and be stronger. 

I need to do a local race, There's one in Tosa the end of Sept that I'm thinking about.  It's a fast downhill course so it's "easy" for a beginner :D  I'm running about a 13:00-13:30 min/mile so I'm not the first one done but I'm not the last one either (I hope!) 

This is just proof that even though I was never a runner before, I am now.  I. AM. A. RUNNER. say it with me!  I like it, I look forward to it and I miss it if I don't do it.  I can't believe that I think about it, dream about it even LOL. 

I have so far to go, and yet I have come so far.  Thank you to everyone who didn't give up on me, who encouraged me and who believed in me.  I'll need the encouragement now and forever too so keep it up!!! 

Saturday, August 20, 2011

For recording sake

For the sake of recording things I need to put this down here so that I can find it at some point in the future that I'm not even thinking about yet ;)  Since I did something that one year ago I never even considered doing, that I didn't think was possible.  Something that 9 weeks ago was a pipe dream that I thought "what the heck give it a try"

HOLY COW!!! tonight felt good on the treadmill and ran a full 5k (including warmup and cool down time of course) Took me 43:41 to do the whole thing (I figure I wouldn't be the last person done right? :P) So I ran extra time just because I wanted to hit it so badly! Plus you can't quit when Christina Aguilera's "Stronger" comes on followed by Michael Jackson "Man in the Mirror"

I think I might officially be a real runner!!! I really did cry a little after I finished.

This was W9D1 of C25k (couch to 5k) There is not a smilie in the world for how amazing this feels.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Keep plugging along!

I'm sure we've all had weeks where things didn't go quite right, where stress stacked up.  It really started last week with my CNA exam and failing my practical.  Really I promise to never pour urine in a sink ever again.  I'm okay with laughing about it now really ;) 

Then misc other things stacked up and it put me into this funk.  I just couldn't shake it.  I had a great time this weekend with a party at the house with all of our friends.  I loved seeing everyone, but then I feel sad because we just don't get together like that very often anymore and I miss that type of hanging out.  The kind where there are people in every room and you can just float around and join in whatever conversation is going on, or a game or whatever.  That there are just people everywhere.  I love that, really! 

I learned something new about myself this week though, even when things suck and I feel in a funk I can push through and work out and that actually makes me feel better!  Doing a hard run and coming in last night to marinate dinner for tonight afterward really made the difference.  I didn't just cop out and stuff my face, I didn't just skip the workout because I didn't "feel" like doing it.  I did it.  And it helped!  I'm still amazed at this sometimes. 

So even though school will be starting and my financial aide is still a disaster but I have the paperwork to hopefully fix it, I need a CPR class done ASAP, and I need to retake my CNA practical, I know I'll get through it.  I know that I can do it.  I can push through, suck it up and do what I need to do. 

Tonight dinner is Asian Chicken from Skinny Taste and corn on the cob.  It will be wonderful and it will taste great (I hope) and I'll have another great recipe to add to my repertoire.   So even if you're having a tough time just keep plugging along and things will get better, and you'll be glad you didn't stuff your face with crap you know you don't like and don't want.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

29 years ago

I was born 29 years ago (August 7, 1982) in Racine, Wisconsin.  I'm a Leo and I'm bold like the lion too!

In the last 29 years I have lived in many houses/apartments.  I attended several different school districts, but always lived in the state of Wisconsin.  I never left the country until I was just shy of 19 years old (with Mike after we'd been dating only a very short time, my mom thought I was crazy). 

There were the typical milestones of life, walking, talking, getting my ears pierced, driving, boys, dances, parties, friends, tattoos (lol), moving out, moving around, getting married, having a child.  All those things that are part of many of our lives.

Some of them were significant and some of them not so much, but they are all apart of who I am.

Ten years ago I was moving in with Mike, getting engaged and living on my own for the first time.  I was 19 years old (we moved in just after my birthday in August 2001) but it was planned and set up when I was just 18.  I didn't even think I wanted kids at that time.  I told Mike as much and he told me that he loved me more than any potential people and the wanted to spend his life with ME and if a child came then that was okay, if not that was okay too.

Five years ago I was pregnant with Gabe, miserable, hot and at the State Fair all I wanted was a Mike's Hard Lemonade for my birthday.  Instead Mike found me a lemonade frozen concoction that was delicious!  I was a miserable pregnant women so this was an accomplishment.  Who would have thought that I would love a child as much as I love that rambunctious, loud, opinionated little boy?  He's all I imagined and so much more!  I can't believe in December he'll be FIVE!

Two years ago I was starting to SERIOUSLY start talking about going to school to do something important, and getting my things together to start in the Jan 2010 semester.  How I chose nursing is sort of funny.  I'd always thought I'd be a veterinarian as a kid, then I found out vet school is HARD.  So I was a vet tech for awhile, and enjoyed it but left to try other things.  I considered going back to school for that just after Gabe was born but realized I'd never make enough money or be able to carry the health insurance for the family.  So I figured what's the difference between a nurse for an animal and one for a person?  Turns out it was the GREATEST thing I could have ever thought.  I know being a nurse is my calling now.

One year ago, I really woke up and decided that something in my life had to change.  I was WAY too heavy, I didn't like the way I looked.  I didn't like that I was invisible to other men and women.  I WANT to be the woman who snaps necks when she walks into a room.  So I got off my ass, stopped shoving so much damn food into my mouth and DID something about it FINALLY!  I'm down 72lbs in one year.  I'm running as much as 25 min (in a row) and biking 5:20 min miles (6/7 miles in a row) and I'm lifting weights.  I've seen my body change, but more importantly I've seen my MIND change.  My mind set is so different.  I wish I had been a better planner and exerciser outside of high school sports so I knew how to keep it up once those weren't around.  But the important thing is that I did find out how to do it.

Even just 7 weeks ago when I started the C25K (couch to 5k) program I never saw that I could REALLY run for 25 min in a row and LIKE it.  

It's proof that I am continually changing and growing.  I had an instructor in Anatomy tell us that if we were stagnant we died (cell growth and all) and it's true about myself as a whole too. I can't be stagnant, I need to do new things and move and change to stay alive. 

I have an amazing husband, he's my best friend, and my biggest cheerleader in all things I choose to do.  Even when my plans sound crazy he's behind me and never says "told you so" if I fail.  He's the one that is always willing to listen to my crazy ideas and let me pick up new projects knowing full well that I probably won't complete most of them.  I love you babe!

I want the next 29 years to be full of new adventures, ideas, places and friends.  I want to remember that I'm not scared to try things, that as Lady Gaga has told us "I was born to be brave" and I can DO whatever I want to.  That my family and friends will be there for me.   I have been so blessed with tons of great friends close to home and across the country and even the world.  Just because I can't hug them all doesn't mean they aren't true friends.

I have amazing friends and amazing family and I want to thank them all for allowing me to be the kind of person I am, loud, obnoxious, blunt, funny, a horrible singer, and so much more.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Best birthday idea yet!

I have the best idea yet.  I think that we should have a party.  I like any reason to get people I love together is a good reason.  Plus Jerry, and Jake apparently, volunteered the house for a party.  I really don't mind but I'm going to give them a pretty hard time about it because I can ;)

Anyhow it so happens that we were volunteered for a party the weekend after my birthday.  So Saturday August 13th I'm hoping to have lots of people at the house for some grilling, music and burning whatever stuff I can in the fire pit.  There will be at least one tent available (someone always ends up in the tent) and plenty of floor/couch space to crash on too. 

I am sort of hoping the cops don't make an appearance this time, and anyone who missed that Memorial Day party last year left too early, lol.

What better idea for a birthday party then to have those friends that you count as family with you?!  Especially since this is the first time I'm turning 29.  It's worth partying for!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Mental block?

So tonight I did W5D3 and it felt REALLY hard.  BUT I think most of it is in my head.  My legs felt okay during the run, and my lungs felt okay.  It was still hot but not as bad as it has been.

So now I have to push through the mental wall.  I mean I ran for 1.25 miles all in one shot tonight!  There's no way I could have done that 5 weeks ago so I know I'm making great progress.  I just wish the mind part was keeping up with the body LOL.

Maybe new music would help me push through, having new tempos and songs that I don't know the exact time to?

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Another one!

Today it was about 95 degrees out and about that humid too.  That made me think of a great idea for my birthday.  You know what I need?!

A POOL!!!  A big one, with a deck and a cool water slide too. 

Hey not that many people in Wisconsin have pools because we get to use them for about 3 weeks a year (Okay more like 2 1/2-3 months).  But I've decided I want one.

We have a plenty big enough yard, a lot of it doing nothing.  We could put up a nice fence, and then put up a pool.  It would be totally worth it (see me trying to convince myself!). 

Instead we drive the 6 blocks to the city pool (when we walk it takes about 10 min) and enjoyed their pool, which does actually have a cool water slide.  It was a fun evening for it. 

So what do you think?  A pool right? It's definitely on my list for things for the house after I'm done with school.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Milestone today

Today I did something I really didn't believe I could REALLY do, I mean I hoped I could but I wasn't quite sure.  It was so far out of my comfort zone and something I'd never done before.  Now I know that this is the first of many of these milestones.

I am HALF WAY through the C25k program.  Today I ran for 8 minutes (in a row!), walked 5 and then ran 8 more (in a row!) and I didn't die, I didn't collapse, and I didn't look like an idiot.

Of course I'm not feeling ready for the next one which is just to run for 20 minutes (in a row!) but that's really only 4 more minutes than I ran today, just cut out the random walking in the middle and I'd be almost there.  So whether I go straight to that, or I modify it somehow, or repeat today even.  I can do this!  I am strong, I am brave and I was born to be this way (LOL okay I got carried away with some Gaga but can you blame me?!)

So for anyone out there that's thinking "I can't do this" or "I'll never get there" you will!  You can!  It's not going to happen over night and there are going to be rough patches, times you feel like giving up but if you don't give up and you get back up when you stumble you too can do it!!  Every day is a new day and that means a fresh start.

I want to really say thank you to my husband for supporting me, and telling me that I was beautiful and sexy and smart and wonderful no matter how I felt, or how I looked.  I know that's true love ;)  I know that he's my biggest cheerleader (minus the skirt) and will always have my back.  We're a team.  I love you so much honey, infinity plus one <3

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Birthday post 4

My bathroom isn't completely done yet.  I want tile around the tub and above the shower.  I've been looking for awhile but I have found what I want.

Carrara and glass tiles together.  I LOVE Carrara marble and I'd do a whole bathroom in it if I could (I saw that once on HGTV and it was like a 40k remodel!!)

This tile calls to me!  I mean it's perfect!  You know for my birthday getting tile for my bathroom would be pretty exciting.  I think that is another sign that you're officially an adult.  I would even be happy to install it myself just bring the tile and grout and leave it to me! 

So if you're looking for something you can put tile on your list lol. 

Monday, July 11, 2011

Birthday post 3

There's something most people don't know about me.  I'm a bra and panty whore.  I LOVE to have things that are cute and match each other. 

So birthday idea number 3 is new bras and panties.  Also my corsets are now officially TOO big to get any tightness out of them!  So I'll put those on the list too. 

I just can not wait to walk into Victoria Secret and spend a small fortune on just me, on things that 99% of the world won't even see ;)  Just knowing I'm wearing it makes me feel better, and we all know the proper undergarments make you look better too! 

So here's to new lingerie!!  Of course that might be a little bit of a gift for the hubby too ;)

Friday, July 8, 2011

Birthday post 2

Today I was lucky enough to score some scrubs on sale.  Which I actually need, both for when I'm working as a CNA and as a nursing student.  Of course no fun cute things for the nursing students, we're all required to wear a specific color and that's it. 

But what I also had fun looking at was the other things I need for school.  I need my very own stethoscope, a bandage scissors, a gait belt and a blood pressure cuff.  So all of these things would definitely make good gifts. 

 That's how I know I'm meant to do this because getting SUPPLIES makes me excited (LOL).  When you're getting things that are meant to get dirty and that makes you happy you know you're on the right track.  I'm totally digging the Kiwi Green color too!  And those gait belts you need to watch or they wander off!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

One month til my 29th birthday

Why yes I am counting, just like another wonderful woman I know, Patty.  The Leos gotta stick together.

So in honor of the Leo birthdays, and the little bit of self centered-ness that allows me let me share with you some things that I'd like for my birthday.  

First and foremost I'm REALLY hoping to hit my original weight loss goal of 75lbs lost in one year. That's about your average German Sheperd Dog weight, or twice my 4.5 year old.  I've since changed my goal but hitting the original one would still be a pretty nice victory.  Of course now my goal is to lose two of your average Elephant penises (penii? I'm never sure what the plural is).  That's 44lbs a piece, I'm actually only shooting for 83lbs lost but I couldn't resist throwing the Elephant penis in, I wonder what Google will think of THAT one?! And OMG my dad just read that, sorry Dad!  Also there are about a zillion different measurements for that (I mean who gets that job?!) So take the weight with a grain of salt.

So from here out I'll have some things that I'm thinking about for my birthday.  Who knows what I'll think of next?

Saturday, July 2, 2011

It's hot...finally

I'm weird, I like it hot. really!  I do not like humidity but in Wisconsin one goes hand in hand with the other.  Thankfully it's not TOO humid out (dew point is about 70 and humidity is 75% right now) but I'll take it over the 50 and 60 degree days we had all of June.  This girl needs some sunshine!!

Yesterday I was supposed to do W3D1 of C25K and I chickened out.  It was hot last night too and we'd been at the park for my Grandma's birthday party most of the afternoon.  Lame excuse I know.  So today I knew I HAD to do it no matter what because I'd had 2 days off already and if I go more then I won't want to keep doing it.  No fun plans today, until a friend called us.  Now I'm like "OHHH shoot, I need to do it now".  Of course it's the warmest part of the day and it's sunny.  So I decided to do the run on the treadmill, which is in the garage, so it's still HOT.  I turned the fan on and went for it. 

Uhh running on the treadmill is about a million times easier than running on the ground.  I even went faster today than I normally do (since I covered more "ground" by the end it's easy to track).  But I felt like I wasn't working as hard.  So that's good and bad.  Good because I was worried about this new week and this was a good confidence boost.  Bad because I'll want to do the treadmill instead of the road but the only way to do a real race is on the road silly!  So I'm looking forward to getting back to the road (sidewalk) tomorrow or Monday for the second day of this week. 

For today though, friends, food, and fireworks!  I can see fireworks 3 nights in a row if I really want, and I love fireworks so we just might!  Happy Independence Day to everyone! Have a safe holiday and remember to thank those that have served our country!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Thoughts about running and walking

So I'm still a very baby runner, honestly it's still more walking than running, but it's more running than I've done...oh ever.  I finished W2D3 (week 2 day 3) of the C25k program (couch to 5k) yesterday.   I feel like those 90 second runs are still super hard.  Tonight I think I'm going to do a 4th day in Week 2 just for the extra workout of it. 

Maybe each week I won't really feel ready to move on but how am I to know what's in my head and what's my body telling me I need to do an extra workout or an extra week?  How do I get over my own mind games?  It's super frustrating.  I just want to feel confident about myself and my (baby) abilities.  I don't like feeling like I'm floundering or unsure of what I'm doing.

I do know what my plan is.  My plan is to keep plugging along and to keep running and keep progressing through the program.  I know the program works for many people and I feel like it will for me.  I think that sooner or later there will just be a day or a week were I'm suddenly like "oh hai I can do this better today".  I'm looking forward to that day. 

Until then I'm going to keep my head down and put one foot in front of the other and see where that takes me.

Friday, June 24, 2011

The thing about weight loss is

that it is a long journey and day to day I don't always feel or see the differences.  I'm so glad now that I forced myself to take those before pictures.  I can NOT believe that's what I looked like.  I didn't FEEL like I was quite that heavy but I really honestly was.  Say it with me, I was obese :(  Now I'm down 65lbs from my starting weight. 
177lbs June 24, 2011

Starting weight 242lbs Aug 2010

I started this road last August just after I turned 28.  When I realized that I was going to be a nurse in the near future and I could have patients that I would have to tell to lose weight.  Uhh how could I do that and be obese myself?  I just couldn't.  It's like telling someone to quit smoking while puffing on one, people roll their eyes at you (Oh yeah I don't do that anymore either ;P).  

I am still overweight, but I'm getting closer.  BMI is a tool worth using.  So many of us throw it out the window in part because we are lying to ourselves about weight.  It is only part of the story of course but if you can get within one point of that healthy BMI I'd be okay with being in the "overweight" range, I mean I have huge knockers ;)  It matters what your bone structure is like and there are actual ways to determine if you really are "big boned" or medium frame.  There have even been studies that show that we're so overweight as a nation we don't even know what normal weight looks like anymore!  That's horrible. 

But more important than the number on the scale is the way I feel.  I feel amazing!  I'm not as tired as I was before, I don't feel like I need to nap every day.  I enjoy the exercise and I'm always looking for new ways to exercise.  I'm RUNNING! If you've known me for any length of time you'll know that the only way I would have run before was if zombies or a bear was chasing me, and then I'd trip you so that you'd get eaten first.  Now I'm enjoying it.  I'm a baby runner right now.  I just finished W2D1 of the C25K program (translation Week 2 day 1 of the couch to 5k programs) and I've begun looking at 5k races to do when I'm officially done with the program. 

I enjoy the fact that I can go into a clothing store and likely find several things in my size that I like, not just that aren't horrible looking on me.   I enjoy the fact that if you told me I'd never lose the rest of the weight I wouldn't stop eating well and exercising.  I enjoy that I do look better (come on be honest this is why most of us want to lose weight). 

I have realistic expectations and know that this is my life I'm talking about.  It's my future, and it is amazing!  I know that I have 30 min most days to squeeze in SOME workout no matter how busy I am with life, family or school.  It keeps me sane!

Now don't get me wrong I still enjoy a good "bad" meal now and then but I limit how many times a year that is and I still choose better options now than I would have before and I always still eat less (get the box right at the beginning of the meal, out of sight out of mind). 

For anyone thinking "It's too hard" "I have too much to lose" "I can't do this" believe me you can, one small step at a time.  Start by changing just ONE thing about your diet OR exercise and live with it for a couple weeks, then change another.  Slowly all those little things add up.  We don't give up addictions we just change their focus, so now my addiction will be exercise and healthy living! 

Monday, May 2, 2011


Sometimes I forget this is here.  Then sometimes I remember and I figure no one really wants/needs to know what I'm thinking because, let's face it, it's usually fluff. 

Well today I'm stressed out and you all are going to listen to me DARN IT!  I have this exam at the end of the week that, well, basically decides if I get in to my clinical classes for nursing.  That's right it's the most important test (currently) that I need to take.  I've decided there are really only three important tests in my career.

This is the first one, the NLNPAX test.  It's math, science and reading.  It's timed and full of crap I haven't used in math since high school.  So ya, that means I've forgotten about 100% of it.  I had to look up my times tables people!  It costs me money to take this test and you can only take it once every 6 months and never take it more than twice or something.  Great! /end sarcasm

The next one will be my CNA certification which is required my the school I want to transfer to, to begin your clinical classes.  I'm doing the clinical classes for that right now.  It's not really going to be TOO difficult but still it costs me money to take it and if I fail then I'll cry and suck, and have to pay for it again.  I'm not overly worried about it but it still matters.  

The third test of course is my NCLEX, that's the one that makes me an official RN at the end of all this tortuous school work, clinical classes, sleepless nights and stress.  Again you pay to take it and it sucks and everyone walks out thinking they failed.  Even the really smart people. 

I'm a smart cookie, really if I do say so myself.  I'm an adept test taker and I know my shit 99% of the time but this one is just kind of getting to me that it's so important on Friday.  Will I do well, probably but there's that small place of doubt inside my brain that tells me I'm not quite as smart as I think I am, and that I'm not good enough to do this.  I need that voice to shut the hell up and let the smart Mel through!

After Friday though, there will be a small reprieve before taking the CNA exam so at least I can finish up my other classes for the semester.  Then I can stress about getting a job (LOL FUN, or not). 

I'm signed up for classes in the fall already so at least that's one worry out of the way.  So expect similar freak outs as we go along the way.  

Blarg!  I just feel overwhelmed and stressed about the options and choices and finally having things go in the direction I want them to only to be terrified that I won't do well.   

Someone remind me it will be okay pretty please

Monday, February 14, 2011

I haven't forgotten

I haven't forgotten that I have a blog, I promise.

What I've been doing is school.  Things are going well and this is my last semester of pre-reqs.  So I'm hoping things keep going well and I can petition in Sept to start in Jan.  I have a lot of other things swimming around in my head about if I should stay here and finish my ADN or go elsewhere spend more time and money and get my BSN.  I'm hoping I get in the first semester where I am so I don't REALLY have to think about this.  I WANT to work ASAP and I know that I can get a job with my ADN and go for the BSN slowly over time after I'm making some money ;P

Home has been good, we are almost ready to paint in the basement.  My Dad and I sanded most of the place, all walls and some of the ceilings before our arms gave out.  So next week we WILL finish sanding ;) I promise.  Then I need to prime, and paint.  Then floors go in and we can MOVE IN TO IT!!!  It's kind of weird to think about it being done any time in the future since I feel like we've been working on it forever.  We need to have a party when we are done. 

I'm ready for winter to be over, we've had two nice days in the 40s and I wish the whole winter was like this.  So maybe that desert dream will keep me dreaming about warm winters. 

Gabe has been good and keeping busy.  He's always got a story or a joke for us now and his best friend is Maddy (Dave and La's daughter).  They are super adorable together too!  If we could marry them off we would since we already like the In-laws ;)