Monday, May 2, 2011


Sometimes I forget this is here.  Then sometimes I remember and I figure no one really wants/needs to know what I'm thinking because, let's face it, it's usually fluff. 

Well today I'm stressed out and you all are going to listen to me DARN IT!  I have this exam at the end of the week that, well, basically decides if I get in to my clinical classes for nursing.  That's right it's the most important test (currently) that I need to take.  I've decided there are really only three important tests in my career.

This is the first one, the NLNPAX test.  It's math, science and reading.  It's timed and full of crap I haven't used in math since high school.  So ya, that means I've forgotten about 100% of it.  I had to look up my times tables people!  It costs me money to take this test and you can only take it once every 6 months and never take it more than twice or something.  Great! /end sarcasm

The next one will be my CNA certification which is required my the school I want to transfer to, to begin your clinical classes.  I'm doing the clinical classes for that right now.  It's not really going to be TOO difficult but still it costs me money to take it and if I fail then I'll cry and suck, and have to pay for it again.  I'm not overly worried about it but it still matters.  

The third test of course is my NCLEX, that's the one that makes me an official RN at the end of all this tortuous school work, clinical classes, sleepless nights and stress.  Again you pay to take it and it sucks and everyone walks out thinking they failed.  Even the really smart people. 

I'm a smart cookie, really if I do say so myself.  I'm an adept test taker and I know my shit 99% of the time but this one is just kind of getting to me that it's so important on Friday.  Will I do well, probably but there's that small place of doubt inside my brain that tells me I'm not quite as smart as I think I am, and that I'm not good enough to do this.  I need that voice to shut the hell up and let the smart Mel through!

After Friday though, there will be a small reprieve before taking the CNA exam so at least I can finish up my other classes for the semester.  Then I can stress about getting a job (LOL FUN, or not). 

I'm signed up for classes in the fall already so at least that's one worry out of the way.  So expect similar freak outs as we go along the way.  

Blarg!  I just feel overwhelmed and stressed about the options and choices and finally having things go in the direction I want them to only to be terrified that I won't do well.   

Someone remind me it will be okay pretty please