Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Gabriel Micheal turns 5!

This is the first birthday that has made me teary.  He's a BIG kid now, not a baby, not a toddler. 

Because of Christmas craziness I didn't get this up and posted on his birthday but I want to make sure it's safe somewhere.  

He loves Cars the Movie stuff, Transformers, puzzles, drawing and he would eat cheese in a tortilla or on bread forever if I let him.  He loves to rough house with Mike.  He loves to play with trains on the floor and make up stories and carry around baby animals with names like "punkin" and "batty" (both are beanie baby bats) those bats only eat ham and candy (only if they are good of course!)

He is a funny and smart little boy.  He learns something new every day and he still wants to snuggle and give hugs and kisses to both Mike and me.  He's just an amazing kid.  He's as stubborn as the day is long, but he's also so sweet and still wants me to kiss boo-boos.

I just can not believe that he's five already.  I swear it feels like we just brought him home from the hospital.  I just can not believe he's so big, he's such a tall kid, and such a handsome kid.  I am really proud to call myself his mom.

He loves his new Leap Pad Explorer Tablet that he got for Christmas and Mike and I love seeing what he's taking pictures of and making videos of each day too!!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Things come back around

Today I'm watching a Greys Anatomy rerun after painting ornaments with Gabe and its the episode with the quote "If today you become frightened instead become inspired", and I thought I LOVE this quote.  I have loved it since I heard it the first time. 

So I thought about it again and I thought that quote is important.  That plus a post about arriving in Holland made me want to write about it again. 

Here is the Holland piece:

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

I find that quotes tend to pop up right about the time I need them, just like Mish had happen to her recently too! So while this quote is about having a child that's different than the one you envisioned I find it works for most things in life that come up and DRASTICALLY change your destination ideas.  I know that I've posted about the Greys Anatomy post before, here, among other quotes that inspire me.  So sometimes we don't end up where we expect to, and sometimes the road is tough, and sometimes we don't even get to the destination we expected to, but what I have learned is that most places are nice places even if they aren't what we expect.  I can find a way to live in many places, I can find ways to THRIVE in places I didn't expect.  When I am scared, tired, unsure, or just plan done I remember many of these quotes and I keep going.  I just keep going.  JUST KEEP GOING!

I think that quotes showing up when you need them, be them bible verses, from a movie or a show, or a story from someone, or a post on a forum, they come up when you need them most. 

Monday, December 12, 2011

Done with the fall semester!

I made it through one more semester!  I am officially done with the fall 2011 semester.  A semester of intro psych (which sucked and I'll avoid that instructor like the plague) but I got a B-, Health psychology (which I love that instructor) and I got an A, Medical Terminology which was easy peasy and I got a 97% in LOL, also Modern Cinema which I'm still waiting for a final grade, I'm thinking B+ or A- depending on the paper grade.

The REALLY good news is that I have registered for all my core RN classes.  I am all set to take the really hard ones and the ones that really matter starting in the Spring 2012 semester.  I have all my classes at Mequon campus and New Castle as my first clinical location.  YAY!  Everything is close-ish to home!

I am still working out childcare for Gabe (EEK!!!!) but I'm hoping things are going to fall into place and we won't have to worry about it too much.  I will be at class/clinical 4 days a week and my Dad will watch Gabe on Weds so at least that day is taken care of. 

I am excited, nervous and terrified right now of the future 4 semesters but I also know this is what I want and I can do this.  It will be hard, there will be days (weeks) that suck but I can do this!! This is not a punishment, I want to do this.  I want to be a nurse! 

Christmas is around the corner which means so is Gabe's birthday.  Hopefully I'll have a few posts between now and then, and you'll see me in early January before I disappear again too.  I'm going to attempt to be better here even during the spring because I know I won't remember this journey if I don't write stuff down!